Rave against the machine: Police responded to an illegal, after-hours party at a warehouse on North Davidson Street last week and then called in Alcohol Law Enforcement and Alcoholic Beverage Control officers to search the place. When officers entered, they saw two DJs playing music and reportedly smelled a strong odor of "burnt marijuana" (as opposed to the non-burnt variety). About 300 people were in the warehouse and half of them appeared to be under 21, according to the report. Offices charged two minors with underage drinking because they were "grossly impaired" (meaning too drunk to run from cops). The man responsible for the party was charged with aiding and abetting the minors and possession of drug paraphernalia: a gas mask that had been turned into a bong. We're just a little offended that no one invited us.

Make It Rain: A 31-year-old male in northeast Charlotte filed a police report last week after someone vandalized his vehicle. He told officers that someone took the sprinkler from his front yard while it was running and placed it on the hood of his Nissan Altima, causing scratches and other damage.

Yours Is Mine: An 86-year-old man called police last week after an eight-foot picnic table made of iron and wood was stolen from the backyard of his east Charlotte home last week. Twenty minutes later the victim called back and said that his neighbor called and said he borrowed the picnic table and would bring it back in a couple of hours.

I'll Smoke You: Police responded to a call regarding a firearm in west Charlotte last week after a man and woman couldn't agree over who bought a pack of cigarettes. The two had walked out of a local food mart and suddenly got to arguing over the smokes. The man was apparently not ready to give up any of the cigs because he pulled a gun on the woman and threatened to shoot her.

Porch pest: A 37-year-old woman filed a police report after waking up to find her yard vandalized. The woman told police that she had been on vacation for a week, but when she returned to her home in east Charlotte, she found that someone had dug up her mailbox. The suspect then put the entire mailbox through the For Sale sign in her front yard. For good measure, the suspect took some potted flowers from her porch.

unHappy ending: Police responded to a call from a frightened female employee at Alter Ego Salon & Day Spa who claimed the suspect "conducted himself inappropriately" during a massage.

Armed to the Teeth: A teacher at Robert F. Kennedy Middle School in the Steele Creek area called police when one of her students came to class with a weapon. The teacher told police and administration that she discovered a steak knife under a classroom desk. She asked the kid who was sitting at the desk if the knife was his, and he told her it was. How else did she expect him to cut through the tough Salisbury steak from the school's cafeteria?

Little Thieves: A 22-year-old woman called police after realizing that someone had stolen some things from a storage area in her apartment building: a double stroller, a toy lawn mower that spits out bubbles and a small battery operated vehicle called a "Cozy Coupe." Officers should start searching for the subject by questioning Charlotte's notorious toddler bike gang

Isn't it ironic?: Police filed a report last week after finding a suspect who had been involved in leaving the scene of an accident. The suspect apparently left a mess when he veered off the road and slammed into a few items, including a fire hydrant, a metal fence and a street sign that read, "Littering Is Illegal."

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.