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Bizarre crime from Charlotte police files

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rated PG-13 for Violence: Police responded to a disturbance at Regal Phillips Place Stadium 10 last week after two men were fighting. A 20-year-old man told officers that he was sitting in the movie theater when another man punched him in the face, bloodying his nose. The victim and suspect then took it outside to the hallway, where they exchanged a few more blows before the suspect left the scene. Team Edward vs. Team Jacob: It's getting out of hand now.

Living Large: Police responded to a breaking-and-entering call last week after a man and his wife returned to find their apartment ransacked. The couple told officers that someone had entered their home while they were at work. The only things they stole were a number of hats, $300 worth of alcohol and $600 worth of cigars. Wherever the suspects are now, they're having a good time for sure.

Melted Minds: Administrators filed a police report at Olympic High School last week after someone vandalized property in the boys bathroom. The report states that someone had tried to set off the school's fire alarm by scorching the device with a lighter. The suspect obviously did not realize that the device was simply a speaker that blares if the alarm is set off, but will not the set the alarm itself off. Just go back to class; you need it.

Chaos: Police were en route to a stolen vehicle call for service when they received notice of multiple hit-and-runs from the same street. As they arrived, they witnessed a man physically detaining the suspect. The action hero told officers he was pushed to the ground by the suspect. The suspect then jumped in his car and tried to drive away but hit four cars in the process. He was then pulled back out of the car that he stole. Must be a promo for the new Grand Theft Auto video game coming out soon.

Threat of the Week: A 32-year-old filed a police report after receiving 12 threatening phone calls and texts within 30 minutes. The victim told officers that the suspect said, "You told me where to stay. Fuck with me you dumb bitch, I'll have someone fuck you up. Try me. I will pay someone to fuck your trifling ass up. You will see me again and I am going to do something you dumb bitch. I got guns. You stay in your place before you make me come for you." That's OK; I had some cleaning to do anyway.

Blotter items are chosen from the file of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

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