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Bizarre crime from Charlotte police files (Sept. 11)

Urine trouble

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Urine trouble: Someone opened their mail box and found something worse than a stack of bills. The victim stated that a family member, of all people, had left behind a cup of urine. The report states she felt as though he "intended to cause her emotional distress." No sh*t.

Coco no-no: A shop-lifter took Coco Chanel's famous quote, "The best things in life are free. The others are very expensive," to heart. He or she allegedly walked into Neiman Marcus and walked out with a $33,000 Chanel bag without paying for it. The suspect did leave behind a Chicago Bulls cap worth $10, though.

Busted: The list of items police found on this suspect is as incriminating as it is long. Police searched a man's vehicle at a gas station and found three cell phones, $880, a scale, meth, a crystal meth pipe, latex gloves, a Taser, oxycodone and a parking ticket from Atlanta.

Cheap trick: Misplacing an umbrella is a pretty common occurrence. Not so common is reporting one stolen to the police. A woman says someone who had permission to be in her apartment stole a $6 umbrella she kept in her bathtub. In an unrelated incident, Bi-Lo reported a theft in which someone walked out of the store without paying for their $2 donut.

Balls to the wall: Kids, don't play ball inside the house. In case you need another reminder, police responded to a phone call at a local hotel after someone broke the front window of a room with a basketball.

Don't judge: Someone must have wanted to relax after a really rough day in court. A police officer found 1.7 grams of marijuana, worth about $15, outside of the county courthouse. It was turned in to property control to be "destroyed" (wink, wink).

Bye, bye, birdie: According to police, someone stole a golf cart from the Landmark and Monaco Gardens. Just drove it away.

Slap attack: There's simple assault, domestic assault and now, apparently a-derogatory-term-for-people-of-Japanese-descent slapping. A 55-year-old man called police after an unknown suspect allegedly approached him and "j*p" slapped him, which a quick search on urbandictionary.com reveals is an unexpected slap in the face. It's a reference to the attack Pearl Harbor. Get it? I give up.

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