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Bizarre crime from Charlotte police files (Oct. 29)

Resourceful or stupid?

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Shooting the Shit Security guards at a Novant Health Systems office near CMC Mercy called police in to make an arrest after coming across a man who was loaded in three different ways. The security guards told officers they found the man defecating in the bushes in front of the hospital. When they confronted him, they found he was in possession of a handgun and extremely intoxicated.

Why I Oughtta A man filed a police report after feeling threatened by a road-rager in south Charlotte last week. The poor man went through a hellish ideal, telling officers the man began by "flipping the bird," then exited his vehicle and started cursing before really crossing the line by "shaking his fist with his hand balled up."

Switch A 32-year-old man probably had flashbacks to his childhood last week when he was assaulted by a group of men brandishing tree branches. He told officers he saw the men whom he had argued with previously and they all approached him holding tree branches. They attacked him, striking him about the head and back with the branches. The man sustained a minor laceration and was treated and released form the hospital.

Clue A 42-year-old woman called police after someone left a threatening symbol on her front porch... or ate a meal there; she's still not sure. The listed victim told officers she found a bread knife with ketchup smeared on it laying at her front door.

Severance Package The owner of a local vehicle storage business filed a report after an employee who was recently fired decided to create his own benefit package to help him along on his early retirement. He said the employee was in possession of a Toyotas Camry and $3,000 that belonged to the business, as well as multiple sets of keys that belonged to clients. The owner told officers he has given the former employee a reasonable amount of time to return the car and money, but doesn't feel he will do so voluntarily because the man has already stated "he would like to keep it permanently."

Bad Mechanics A 48-year-old woman filed a report after her vehicle was tampered with for a third time. She said this time the vandal simply opened up the hood and poured oil all over the engine. In an unrelated incident, a man in southwest Charlotte awoke to find someone had poured a mixture of bleach and flour into his gas tank.

Health Nut A woman was caught at Walmart last week trying to leave with the following items in her purse, unpaid for: three bottles of feminine hygiene products such as Monistat and RepHresh, one case of Mucinex, other cold medications, vitamins, hair clips, hair gel and underwear.

Resourceful Police responded to Shamrock Elementary School last week because of what a boy was doing with scissors, and he wasn't running with them. School staff told officers the boy had disconnected the scissors to make two knives and was found to be terrorizing a 9-year-old girl with them.

Food and Beverage A 28-year-old man in east Charlotte filed a police report after someone kept returning to his car to vandalize it. The victim said the suspect came to his workplace twice to egg his car in the same day. Later the suspect returned again and broke a bottle on the car.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department. All suspects are innocent until proven guilty.

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