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Bizarre crime from Charlotte police files (Oct. 1)

Fluids and more

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Shooting It Out: While reporters first flocked to the Park Road Shopping Center last week after getting word of a shooting on the scanner, they arrived to find nothing of the sort, just a man doing some window shopping. Police said the man attempted to shoot heroin while driving around the parking lot. This obviously didn't end well and the man crashed his car. He was taken to the hospital with minor injuries.

Dollars Before Dishonor: Employees at the Charlotte Mecklenburg Government Center filed a report after someone failed to abide by the rules at the office last week, and was straight up about it, too. The reporting person told police that someone stole $40 from the top of a cabinet. The money was there from people who had taken snacks from the same cabinet. People were expected to pay for the snacks they took using the honor system. According to the report, the suspect simply stated aloud that he needed the money and took it without anyone's permission.

Thirst: Police responded to Coulwood Middle School last week after a thief put a lot of effort in for not a lot of payoff. The report said the suspect broke into the school vending machine, doing $50 in damage, but only took a single soda, worth $1.

Like An Animal: Police were reviewing surveillance videos after someone broke into a locked box and possibly stole an unknown amount of animal drugs. A large amount of drugs including hydromorphone, ketamine and diazepam were listed as seized in the report, but police were still investigating what was stolen and how much.

Try Tinder: A 41-year-old woman filed a police report against a real creeper who couldn't take the fact that she just wasn't into him. The woman, who works at a local gym, said the man came into her work while she was there and began yelling obscenities at her in front of people because she would not go on a date with him.

Exchanging Fluids: Police filed a report against a student who attacked two kids at Vance High School last week. The report states the suspect assaulted the two boys, one 14 and the other 15, after he felt he was disrespected by them. The report then gets confusing, however, when it states, "the suspect struck two victims, one using body fluids and the other one with the use of his closed hands," also known as fists. I'm not sure what the body fluids means, but it's never good when best-case scenario means you just got spit on.

Anti-Environment: A 36-year-old man in south Charlotte called police last week after being confronted by a suspicious-acting man. The victim told officers he saw the suspect walking down his street knocking over recycling bins. The victim approached the man, who got into the driver's seat of his vehicle and pulled a gun on the victim, threatening him.

Patience is a Virtue: A 26-year-old man filed a police report last week after being threatened with premonitions. The man said he got into a disagreement with another man, who then told him, "Not this week, but next week I will fuck you up."

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department. All suspects are innocent until proven guilty.