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Bizarre crime from Charlotte police files (Nov. 25)

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Catch me if you can: A woman was caught shoplifting from a south Charlotte-area Walmart last week, despite her ingenious plan for escape. Employees told officers the woman shoved lipstick, candy and eyeliner into her pockets and made a break for it. Employees were still in for a surprise, though, as they followed her out of the store and found she had poured baby oil all over the floor in several aisles that she had been shoplifting in, perhaps in a Home Alone-esque attempt to foil any would-be followers. Employees said they discovered the oil before anyone could be harmed by slipping on it.

Ice Breaker: Police responded to a kinda-sorta bomb threat at a northeast Charlotte sports bar after a man who couldn't get a waitress interested in his conversation decided to turn it up a notch instead of just walk away. The police report states a man walked into the T. Mac in University and began talking to one of the employees about God and religion. When the employee "wasn't receptive" to his talking points (which no doubt included the Paris terrorist attacks), the suspect reportedly uttered, "You never know, there could be a bomb in here," which worried employees.

Mary Poppin': A 28-year-old man called police after he was assaulted during an attempted robbery outside of a 3rd Street café. The man said he was standing outside of the café at about 7:45 a.m. when someone approached and demanded all of his money while pointing an umbrella at him. When that understandably didn't produce results, the suspect struck him twice with the umbrella and threatened to kill him. No money was taken during the incident.

Shopping For One: A woman was arrested at Northlake Mall last week after allegedly walking out of the store with a vibrator she hadn't paid for. The Pipedream Neon Luv Touch 100-Function Vibe was returned, and the suspect was arrested for trespassing, having already been banned from the mall previously.

Own it: An 84-year-old woman was hit with some blunt honesty last week in Uptown traffic. She told police that a 20-something woman driving a gray Toyota down McDowell Street sideswiped her vehicle. The two drivers arrived at the next light together, at which time the older woman rolled down her window and informed the other driver that she had hit her car. The suspect calmly yelled back, "I know I hit you," before the light turned green and she drove off as if nothing had happened.

Threats of the week: In more news of people getting along well in traffic, a middle finger led to a death threat near NoDa, according to a 40-year-old man who said it was at his expense. The victim told police he was being tailgated by another man, and when that driver sped around him, he flipped him the bird. He said the tailgater then pulled in front of him to block his path, got out of his car, put his hand in the shape of a gun and said, "Flick me off again and I'm going to shoot you." In an unrelated incident, a man texted a 24-year-old woman and told her, "I'm going to come kill those n***as just like I promised my mother."

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department. All suspects are innocent until proven guilty.

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