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Bizarre crime from Charlotte police files (May 5)

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Cutting Crew Apparently there have been a few home improvement projects along Albemarle Road without the proper funding, as the local Walmart has been getting hit hard by shoplifters. According to security, a suspect first swiped an electric chainsaw from the store early in the week by using his two small children to conceal the item in his shopping cart. Word must have gotten around about the man's success, because another person came into the store three days later and walked out with a higher-power gas chainsaw. This time, the kids were notably absent.

Pump and Dump A group of teenagers were looking for a buzz at a Ballantyne drug store, but instead of swiping one of the usual over-the-counter highs (like cough syrup, or whatever kids do these days), the delinquents went for whipped cream. The reports states that the suspects were observed opening the cans and attempting to "huff" the contents before fleeing the store. In addition to causing a traumatic case of second-hand embarrassment for witnesses, the cream team faces larceny charges.

Whine Night When girl's night was canceled, a South End woman became so enraged that she stormed a Tryon Street convenience shop and made sure that if she wasn't drinking wine, nobody would be. The woman threatened the shop employee then pushed over a wine rack, shattering 28 bottles valued at $350.

Ex-cess Baggage Most relationships come with a little bit of baggage, but a woman in southeast Charlotte recently discovered that her new boyfriend came with some particularly unpleasant strings attached. According to police reports, the boyfriend's ex-girlfriend had been playing third-wheel to the new couple by following them around and showing up at their apartment uninvited. Fearing that the situation would escalate, the woman filed stalking charges against the unwanted ex-tra.

Rent Control There are plenty of ways to air your grievances about a lousy landlord, but a north Charlotte leaser skipped straight to the end of that list when he orchestrated an attack on his apartment's leasing office. First he doused the building's exterior in cooking oil, covering the outside walls and pouring it through a mail slot so that it pooled inside on a rug, then proceeded to rip a gutter and lightbulb off of the building's entrance. He probably won't be getting his deposit back.

House Special Officers responded to a fraud call at Tokyo Grill and Buffet in University City last week after several customers left without paying. It's not clear, however, who the charges were filed against — the dashing diners or the restaurant staff. According to reports, multiple diners complained after allegedly finding mold throughout the food they were eating. The restaurant offered the diners a discount, but refused to completely comp the moldy meals. That's when the disgusted diners filed out of the restaurant and employees called the police.

Found Footage A Pineville-area Chuck E. Cheese's recently turned over a video to CMPD containing footage from their parking lot surveillance cameras. The footage depicts a "grandmother, male and child" entering the kiddie casino. CMPD says "no specific crime was reported," although the report does state that the surveillance footage was collected in reference to a disturbance at the facility. That's why you don't mess around when Grandma brings you out in public, she's into that old school phsyical punishment.

Thieves and Teeths A 50-year old man staying at a south Charlotte hotel notified police that some items had been stolen from his room. He told police that he noticed the items were missing, and deduced that they must have been taken at some point over a two-day period. The items included an electric toothbrush and a bottle of aftershave. We're not sure what's worse: stealing a toothbrush, or the fact that it took this guy two days to notice that it was missing.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department. All suspects are innocent until proven guilty.

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