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Bizarre crime from Charlotte police files (May 26)

Spring fever

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School Daze Spring fever has officially ensnared the public school population. The assistant principal at Tuckaseegee Elementary School called police after an incident involving multiple students and a teacher playing Hulk. The police reports states that the teacher had to restrain several students at once during an incident in the music classroom. In an unrelated event, one student received disciplinary action for bringing an "inappropriate toy" on the bus at Thomasboro Academy. Now taking bets on whether the toy was Nerf-gun inappropriate or under-mom's-mattress inappropriate.

Doomsday Prepper Thirty minutes in front of any newscast these days is enough to convince anyone that the end is nigh, and some are now more prepared than others. One suspect came out ahead last week when he shattered two windows of a man's car near Matthews and stole a stock of weapons and gear. Among the items stolen were a knife, a leather handbook, a handgun, a tactical vest, face masks, binoculars, a GPS device and a 12-gauge shotgun. (Bonus: listed among the stolen items was a "waffle shirt." We're not sure what it is but it sounds tasty.)

Stone Age Troll Technology makes it so easy to communicate with other people. So much so that messages can be generic and impersonal. Why write a letter to someone when you can just tweet at or DM them? One suspect, who clearly doesn't have an unlimited text messaging plan or Twitter account, typed a threatening message and left it in the screen door of a woman in south Charlotte last week.

Two Cents As the age-old Smash Mouth song goes, "We could all use a little change." One suspect took that meesage to heart when he stole 3,000 pennies from a west Charlotte man's car. Yes, you read that correctly. Three thousand pennies, or $30, or $26.73 after Coinstar takes its cut.

Out the Window A 43-year-old south Charlotte woman either escaped a robbery, has ghosts or needs to speak with her son about sneaking out of the house. The woman called police after finding "suspicious handprints" outside of her window.

Police Typo Two people in west Charlotte were engaging in a verbal fight when the argument got a little spotty and turned into an altercation. The lady was bugging the suspect about something involving child care when the suspect escalated the situation and struck the victim in the face with a deadly weapon. This time, the "deadly weapon" listed in the report was a lawn ornament in the shape of a "lady beg." I can only assume that whoever typed up this report meant the little round red and black insect we catch for good luck, but the typo still bugs me.

Chaperones Police responded to a home in northwest Charlotte after reports of two girls fighting in a yard. When they arrived on the scene they found that two 14-year-old girls had engaged in a fight in the yard as reported, and surprisingly, both of the girls' parents were present and watching the whole time. Police stated that the fight was a continuation of an earlier fight between the girls at Couldwood Middle School, because it's so annoying when you have actual responsible adults around trying to break things up.

Robbin' Hood A man called police after realizing that his car had been broken into near Frazier Park last week. The man said it was clear that the bandit had attempted to steal the car but couldn't get it started, so the thief made off with whatever he could grab instead: in this case, a batch of hunting arrows.

Outta My Room Police responded to a break-in at an apartment near the UNC Charlotte campus after someone settled the score with a 23-year-old man who had clearly angered them in one way or another. Officers found that someone had broken into the man's bedroom through a window and poured bleach on $800 worth of clothing. The suspect also stole $400 in cash, two pairs of expensive sneakers, two hand-painted, wall-hung pictures and — for good measure — two wooden giraffes.

Serial Thief Police responded to Novant Health Presbyterian Medical Center in Elizabeth last week after a man was caught stealing. He wasn't stealing the usual fare, such as pain pills or syringes, but small boxes of cereal. After the man was escorted out of the building, during which time he assaulted a security guard, it was found that he had previously been banned from the hospital. That's won't be good for him when he needs treatment.

Hand Me Downs A 21-year-old woman filed a police report after a woman she was fighting with took things to the next level. The victim reported that the woman took the clothes out of her closet and threw them outside into the mud while it was still raining. The suspect then allegedly attacked the victim, striking her in the face with her hands. Bruises come and go, but stains are forever.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department. All suspects are innocent until proven guilty.

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