Eyeing That Last Wing: Police responded to an assault call at an east Charlotte apartment complex at 1 a.m. and found a teary-eyed man who still had lingering feelings about being assaulted three hours earlier. The 19-year-old victim told police he was working at Wingstop at 10 p.m. and was assaulted by a customer, who threw spicy wings at his face. The victim said the sauce was still burning his eyes when he got off work so he called police.

But It's Free, Though: A 61-year-old man filed a report after someone stole his "Obama Phone," a lifeline assistance phone that financially strapped people can sign up for to receive for free with a limited amount of minutes.

Tomato And Tomahto: A 55-year-old man turned to police for help after neighborhood vandals began using his own garden against him. The man told officers he saw the first suspect damaging his tomato plants before leaving to find a friend. Both suspects then got creative by pulling the tomatoes off the plants and throwing them at the windows of the victim's house.

Carting While Drunk: While George Jones was infamously arrested for driving his riding lawnmower while intoxicated, a northwest Charlotte man took a classier route by taking to the streets in his golf cart while visibly drunk. The officer arrested the man for driving while intoxicated for taking his unregistered golf cart down Mount Holly-Huntersville Road without any operating headlights at 11 p.m.

Bad Trip: Police responded to a vandalism call in southwest Charlotte after a man allegedly shattered a woman's windshield with a shovel. He didn't stop there, however, as he also assaulted two of the responding police officers and one firefighter. In perhaps the biggest non-surprise in history, the report states the suspect was intoxicated and on drugs.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department. All suspects are innocent until proven guilty.