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Bizarre crime from Charlotte police files (April 7)

What a hoot

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Nothing to See An east Charlotte man recently proved he is just as bad at holding a grudge as he is at holding his liquor. He called police to his home, but was too intoxicated to explain why he needed the officers once they got there. Police found the 30-year old man in his home with an acquaintance, who was also too drunk to shed any light on what had transpired. No charges were listed in the police report, which was filed only "to document the unknown actions" that had taken place.

No Reservations A woman staying at a University City hotel was not excited to learn she was bunking with someone she had never met before when she tried to turn in last week. Police were called to the hotel after a man broke into the woman's room to sleep. She found him there when she returned and told him to leave, to which he responded with threats to her life. The squatter eventually left before police arrived.

Mad Money Lottery winners are usually advised not to spend their winnings all in one place, but a 53-year-old west Charlotte man is probably kicking himself now for not splurging when he had the chance. The man won a small fortune on a scratch-off lottery ticket and claimed his winnings at a Wilkinson Boulevard gas station. After going home with his cash payout and sitting on the funds for a few days, he discovered the $50 bill he had been given was a counterfeit.

Of Little Faith CMPD is calling him a felon, but the suspect behind a recent west Charlotte church break-in probably prefers "prophet." Charged with felony breaking and entering, the unidentified suspect allegedly gained entry and moved multiple security cameras throughout the church, then left.

It'll Buff Out Coffee may be the undisputed MVP of mornings, but for a 58-year old Dilworth woman, waking up to a fresh brew was reason enough to call the authorities. The woman was getting ready to head out for her morning errands when she noticed what appeared to be coffee had been spilled on the hood of her car, which she had left parked overnight on East Morehead Street. Believing coffee was worse than the usual elements that find their way onto a car (bird shit, bug guts, pollen, your neighbors vomit, etc.), the woman called police. The responding officer dutifully documented the damage that had been caused: $8 for a carwash.

Family Feud For a pair of cramped cousins, a much-needed separation couldn't come soon enough. A 58-year old east Charlotte man was helping his cousin move out of their shared home when the other man became angry. Perhaps reconsidering what -- or who -- should be moving out of the house, the cousin attacked the man by dragging him onto the front porch, throwing him down the stairs, then striking him in the face before threatening to kill him. The kicking cousin eventually walked away from the scene and the victim called police.

Beat Bandit Strikes Again A few weeks ago, Creative Loafing reported that a man had been swindled out of $1,000 worth of iTunes gift cards when he sent them to a suspect he met online as payment for a car. Though reports don't indicate a connection, it seems like the music miser is at it again -- this time demanding $100 worth of iTunes credit for an iPhone. A Charlotte woman saw the ad on Craigslist and sent the gift cards, but when a few days passed and she hadn't received the phone, she pressed the suspect, who revealed (and we quote): "haha I lied to you, I really live in Virginia. I stole someone's phone, fuck you, bye, I'm only 28 years old."

Night Owl What better way to end a Friday night out than with some fried food and big hooters? That's probably what a man was thinking, anyways, when he approached an Uptown restaurant known for both of those things. The restaurant had closed, but his 2 a.m. cravings wouldn't take no for an answer -- so the man kicked the entrance door until the glass shattered and the doorframe bent so badly that the door could no longer close. No word on if he got those wings he was craving, but he certainly didn't see any pretty ladies. However, he did manage to rack up a $4,400 bill (before tip).

Fries With That? A woman gave up more than she was asked for when a stranger asked to use her phone in a McDonald's parking lot last week. According to the woman who owns the phone, a stranger asked to make a call so she naively handed over the clutch bag she holds her phone in (along with her methadone pills). The suspect in distress made a call and returned the clutch, but the victim later found she no longer had her meds.

Snooze Cruise The rush-hour gridlock on Independence Boulevard can be exhausting, but when it appeared to put one man to sleep, police had to intervene. Officers approached a vehicle that had stopped in traffic and discovered an unconscious man behind the wheel. The engine was running, but the car was stationary because the man's foot was pressing down the brake. Officers attempted to wake the driver, but he didn't regain consciousness until they administered a "sternum rub." He appeared intoxicated, and after failing a breathalyzer test on the scene, he was taken into custody and charged with DWI.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department. All suspects are innocent until proven guilty.

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