RIGHT PLACE, RIGHT TIME: If there's ever a time to be attacked, it's when you're near medical aid. A CMC medical technician experienced this recently when the patient he was transporting to the hospital assaulted him in the ambulance.
BACK ALLEY BASH: After a heated argument took place over the topic of an abortion, a man began punching his girlfriend's stomach in an attempt to hurt her unborn child. His DIY abortion method was halted, however, when she grabbed a screwdriver and stabbed him with it.
I AIN'T YOUR BABY'S DADDY: A woman dropped her three children off in a relative's front yard on her way to work recently. Unfortunately, the relative refused to allow the kids inside his house, and they stood outside in the cold for three hours.
TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES: After covering a sports event at a local bar, a Charlotte news truck headed back to the studio without their microphone. Someone at the bar apparently stole it.
QUOTES OF THE YEAR: "You better leave my wife alone or you will find a bullet right between your eyes. I might have cancer but I can still beat your ass.¨
"I need money. I want you to give me money. I just want some goddamn money. I'm coming over there and whupping your ass and getting your money so I can get crack, and I'm doing heroin too."
"I'll call you as much as I want to, asshole. Your marriage isn't going to be blessed by God. Because of your slutty wife, God will not bless either of you."
"Your kids will look bad with black eyes, bitch. I will put you six feet under! I'm serious, I'll put you six feet under. I don't care about the damn police. Fuck jail. I'll put you six feet under."
"I am going to come over and beat your face into the fucking ground. I will kill your fucking family. There is no way you are going to be safe. I can get you at your house or at work. If you are patronizing me, I am going to slit your throat and shoot you in the face."
"I'm going to fuck up my face and then go tell the police you did it. Then they'll take you to jail."
CAT FIGHT: A woman reported being punched in the face and pushed against the wall by her live-in boyfriend. When the battered woman tried to call police, the jerk grabbed the phone away from her. As if he hadn't already proven he was a world-class jackass, the man then proceeded to kill the woman's cat. Somebody please give this guy the straitjacket and ass-kicking he so desperately needs.
IN THE DOGHOUSE: A man was arrested for breaking into an animal hospital, and stealing and consuming an unknown drug. He was found on the property shortly after breaking in.
SHARK ATTACK: A man called police to inform them about harassing phone calls he'd been receiving at his home. The calls were for his daughter, and were from a man she knew who is in an Orange County, CA, prison. The man who called police said that when the prisoner calls and gets him, he doesn't speak. Instead, he hums the theme to the movie Jaws.
FAST FOOD FUNNIES: A man rushed into a fast food restaurant screaming at the top of his lungs. When asked to leave by the manager, he did so by running full speed into a glass window next to the door. The window was damaged, and the man fled the scene, but more slowly.
TALK ABOUT A VARIETY STORE!: A man broke into a business in the middle of the night and stole a $300 handtruck, $150 in AK-47 rounds, and $500 worth of candy from the shelves.
HAVING A BLAST: The workers on the second floor of an office building had a little excitement added to their day when a giant fireball blasted down through the ceiling. The blast came from the communications department on the third floor. No one was injured and there has been no word on what caused the bizarre blast.
STOP, DROP, AND ROLL: For whatever reason, a man decided to take all of his personal belongings and put them out on a large section of pine needles in his backyard. He then proceeded to set them on fire. After that, he rolled around in the flames. Luckily, there were witnesses nearby, and the man was eventually hospitalized.
TEDDY BEAR TERROR: An angry man caused his girlfriend to fear for her life. After a heated argument over their daughter's behavior, he entered the room where she was watching TV, waved a steak knife in front of her face, then picked up a stuffed animal and slit its throat. After that gruesome scene, he pointed in her direction. The woman ran from the room and called police from her next-door neighbor's house.
POOR APPLICANT SCREENING: A man hired a personal assistant and gave him a phone and money for business purposes. Amid the countless meetings the assistant scheduled for his boss, he also found time to make a drug deal over the phone, buy the drugs, and later sell the phone so that he could buy even more drugs. When asked where the phone and money went, he actually told his boss the truth.
BABY'S BAR CRAWL: For whatever reason, a woman brought a toddler with her to a local bar. At one point in the evening, she let the child crawl around on the floor, at which point other people in the bar suggested that she pick him up. She became infuriated with their comments, and ended up hitting another woman in the face over it.
THEFT OF THE WEEK: Someone with extraordinary thievery skills stole 200 linear feet of a six-foot-high chain link fence. The fence was installed in the ground and surrounded a construction site. It covered two city blocks and is valued at $2000.
WHAT-CHU SAY ABOUT A HOE?: A boyfriend and his girlfriend got into a fight recently that erupted when he insulted her. Whatever he said must have been awful, because she grabbed an undisclosed garden tool and bashed him in the head with it.
STORMY FORECAST: A man was arrested for a crime recently and was put in the back of a squad car by officers. The car's radio was on, with the program's host going on and on about the weather. The arrestee couldn't take it any longer, freaked out, and bashed on the windows and doors until they were damaged.
BOB MARLEY HE'S NOT: A woman told police that an unknown man kept calling her and blaring obscene reggae lyrics over the phone.
LITTLE DEBBIE MADE ME DO IT: A person called police recently to report that one of her employees ate a $1 snack cake off the shelf but did not pay for it.
WHERE'S THE KRYPTONITE?: A woman called police to report being threatened by a friend. According to the report, the other woman told her, "Once I snort my cocaine in my nose, I'm going to come and fuck up your car. I'm going to beat your ass." The woman filing the report told police that when this other woman gets high on cocaine, she thinks she's Superwoman.
GRANNY DON'T PLAY: An elderly man was rushed to the hospital with serious injuries after his wife beat him repeatedly with her walking cane.
CULINARY IRONY: A man was setting up for an upcoming "Ribfest" at Metrolina Expo when he lost his footing, fell, and broke a rib.
TOE TRUCK: A woman called medics to report an injury to a tow truck driver. After she wrecked her car earlier in the day, a tow truck came to her home in the afternoon to deliver her smashed up car. While the driver was operating the truck's ramp controls, the truck began to roll backwards and stopped on his foot. The woman had to get in the truck and drive it off him.
TESTY TELEMARKETER: A telemarketer reportedly called a couple's home numerous times, trying to sell the wife a resort trip. Despite the fact that the woman told the phone monkey not to call back, he continued to do so. Finally the husband answered the phone and started arguing with the caller, at which point the telemarketer called him a liar and threatened to "give him a beating."
SIMPLE BUT EFFECTIVE: A man reported to police that some pest called him on the phone a half dozen times in one day. During these calls, the annoying caller either remained silent or played country music.
GOOD FOR YOUR HEART: A woman reported than someone vandalized her car by pouring pinto beans in the gas tank.
ALCOHOL+STUPIDITY = FIGHT: A couple of weekend revelers were involved in a bout of parking lot fisticuffs at a local bar which resulted in one of the partygoers breaking his wrist. The reason for the brawl? A disagreement over which drunkard was going to drive. Thankfully, it ended up being the cops.
I LOVE THIS JOB!: During a two-year period, a pharmacy technician at a local drug store embezzled $251,650.08 worth of controlled substances and narcotics.
DEAR GOD, NO: A woman called police to report that some unknown person(s) had "disturbed the baby powder she had left on the floor."
McRUMBLE: An irate female customer at a local fast-food joint started arguing with the restaurant's assistant manager. The argument heated and the woman slapped the paper hat-wearing manager in the face. When told the police were being summoned, she reportedly said "Go ahead and call police, I'll spray this place." The woman -- who apparently didn't get it her way -- fled the scene before officers arrived.
GOOD EXAMPLE: An employee at a local shoe store observed two women, both with young girls in tow, remove four pairs of athletic shoes from their boxes and stuff them inside backpacks the kids were wearing. The kids then ran from the store, with the dishonest matriarchs close behind. The whole crew jumped inside a car and drove off with a reported $350 worth of shoes, not to mention the lifelong memories of a very special mother-daughter moment.
ONE BIG HAPPY FAMILY: A 20-year-old woman went to her baby's daddy's house to get some child support money. While the father was handing over the cash, another woman stepped in and started assaulting the young mother. Apparently the dopey dad liked what he saw, because he jumped in and held the mother of his child while the other woman continued to hit her on the face and neck, resulting in several scratches.
BURNING BRIDGES: After being fired from a local telemarketing business, a man called his old boss and threatened to "pop a cap in someone's ass." I'm no vocational counselor, but that probably won't get him too many favorable job referrals.
IT'S NO PICNIC: A woman called police after an acquaintance hit her in the head with a green plastic patio table.
REALLY DUMB CROOK NEWS: While sitting behind the wheel of his car, a pizza delivery guy was accosted by a gun-toting crook, who demanded he hand over all his money. A struggle ensued, during which time the crook dropped his gun inside the pizza dude's car, then promptly fled the scene. The same crook showed up at the pizza joint a short time later demanding his gun back. Workers told him to wait a minute while they retrieved it, and instead summoned the police who arrived a few minutes later and arrested the idiot.
BUMP IN THE NIGHT: A man was awakened in the middle of the night when his car alarm went off. He went downstairs to investigate and noticed that his garage door was propped open with a bucket of candy, and that someone had been in his office and scattered the papers on his desk. Apparently this wasn't enough to rouse his suspicions, and he went back to bed without calling the police. Shortly thereafter, the man was awakened again by strange noises coming from downstairs. This time when he went downstairs he spotted two men outside his home. One fled the scene in a car, and the other on foot. Finally the man called police, and then chased after one of the suspects in his own vehicle, but to no avail. When the man returned home he noticed multiple items were missing from his home, including computer equipment, tools and food. No word on whether the bucket of candy was still there.
HOBBLED AND DANGEROUS: One badass woman, reportedly on crutches, kicked in the door of another woman's house, slapped her in the face, then whacked her in the left forearm with her crutch.
A FRIEND IN NEED: After allowing a "friend" to live for a year at her house -- which was completely furnished, including appliances -- a woman discovered during a recent visit that her one-time tenant had vacated the premises and cleaned her out in the process. Among the items stolen were a queen-size bed, nightstands, dresser drawers, a coffee table, bookshelves, lamps, a ceiling fan, as well as numerous kitchen appliances and an entertainment center. Altogether, the stolen loot was valued at over $12,000.
UNGODLY BEHAVIOR: While having lunch in the dining area of a downtown church, a man was confronted by a fellow church member who demanded the return of his umbrella. When the other chap refused, the cantankerous churchgoer struck him several times with his fists.
HARD-DRINKING WEB-SURFERS: Several unknown people broke into a man's house by prying open a side window, and stole over $3,000 worth of computer equipment and $200 worth of alcoholic beverages.
I'M RICH! -- AND CLEAN!: A hotel manager reported that somebody broke into one of the hotel's laundry detergent vending machines and got away with $75 cash and 75 boxes of detergent.
All Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte Mecklenburg Police Department.