Page 6 of 6

WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE: A man was sitting at a bar one evening drinking and watching the big game. He decided that what the atmosphere needed was a whole lot of cursing. So he obliged himself and let loose a diatribe of profanity-laced sentences. A man sitting next to him didn't take kindly to his words, so he walked up to the curser and beat the hell out of him.

SLICED: A man was arrested for beating his wife with a loaf of bread.

SEASON'S GREETINGS: Check out this spirited quote: "Because it's the holidays, I'll be merciful to your sorry ass and not shoot you." Knowing it's better to give than receive, the man followed up his statement by slapping the other guy in the face.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK: This is D, motherfuckers! I know y'all ain't gonna make me pay some hundred odd dollars for some jacked up looking rental car. Had I known y'all was gonna redecorate my shit like that, I'd have had all my motherfucking dogs come cap you.

DIRTY MONEY: Quote of the week: I'll get my money from you one way or the other, even if I have to take it out of your ass!

DRIVE-IN MOVIE: A man drove up to a movie theater, got out of his car, and ran to the window to buy tickets for a later show. This prompted someone to hop in his still running car and drive off.

MORON OF THE YEAR: A man was arguing with his girlfriend when he grabbed a knife and jokingly placed it against his own throat. He stumbled, however, and his arm jerked, causing him to slice his own neck open. He was rushed to the hospital.