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* A woman's cell phone was stolen from her house by someone she knew. The woman told the person not to take the phone, but when she turned around, the person grabbed the phone and ran out the door. Later that day the woman called her phone in order to find out where it was. She asked the person who answered how they got the phone. The person said the phone thief had sold it to him for drugs. The woman then said that the phone was hers ­ not the thief's to sell ­ and asked the new owner if he would please give it back, no questions asked. The person refused, saying he would only give it back to her for a fee. The upset woman said she didn't have the extra money to buy back her own phone. The person then said that was too bad because she wouldn't get her phone back.

* Huge picnic in the works: An unknown person broke into a cooler located outside a restaurant and stole 60 pounds of ham, 300 pounds of flour, 200 pounds of corn meal, 100 pounds of potatoes and 12 gallons of cole slaw mix.

* A woman returning home from work found that all of her lawn ornaments were missing. The items stolen include a cement statue of a dog, a fountain with the head of a woman and a dolphin lamp with a dish attached.

* The advances of modern technology: A woman reported receiving multiple threats both over the phone and on her answering machine. The caller said, "You owe me $1500, or else I will fuck your (car) up so much that you won't even know it's your car." The caller added that he planned to blow the woman's "motherfucking brains out" with his gun. The woman recognized the caller's voice and knew where he was calling from because she has caller ID.

* Wild Walkie-talkie: Two thieves intent on robbing a department store were caught when a store security officer noticed an unusual bulge in the front of the men's pants. The officer watched on a monitor as the first man placed a two-way radio down the front of his pants. The second person then did the same. The men were caught and arrested. The radios were wiped off and placed back on the shelf.

* A person tried to cash a bogus check made out for almost $3000. When the store employee found out the check was fake, she tried unsuccessfully to hold the forger until police arrived. The person will probably be caught though, as he left his driver's license on the counter.

* Cruelty to fruit: Several unknown people stole two watermelons from a garden. The fruit weighed 75 and 80 pounds, respectively. The thieves also rode through the land on a four wheeler, crushing 30 watermelons in the process.

* An angry mother called police to report that someone gave her 16-year-old daughter a tattoo without first getting Mom's approval.

* A man went out on a couple of dates with the mother of a teenager. Everything was going so well, the mother asked her new beau to escort her son on a fishing trip. When he decided he didn't want to see her (or the son) anymore, she got angry, called his home and threatened, "If you don't take my son fishing, I'm going to kill you."

* For quite some time, a woman has been looking for her cat which, she has now deduced, was stolen by "some people" who lived down the street. She called the police to tell them she's been trying to locate her cat since 1997.

* Saga of a Vacuum Cleaner: The suspect and the victim got into an argument over a vacuum cleaner. But it is more complicated than that. Just who the suspect and the victim happens to be changes from report to report because both women involved called the police, claiming to have been assaulted by the other. The same officer responded to both calls and wrote up reports on both. The first woman to call in was in her 50s and the argument/assault occurred at her house. The second woman is in her mid-20s. Here are the accounts:

"On 10-28-01 between 1800 hours and 1822 hours the suspect assaulted the victim. The suspect and the victim got into an altercation about a vacuum cleaner at the home of the older woman."

How the older woman described what happened next: "She knocked at my door yelling for me to come out."

How the younger woman described it: "I knocked on her door in order to get my vacuum cleaner."