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Fake questions. Real answers.



Q: What's your take on Kramer's recent racist rant? You really think he's a racist?

A: Do I think Kramer -- who goes by the name Michael Richards when he's not on "Seinfeld" -- is a racist? Of course not! Just because the guy screams "nigger" at an African-American guy five or six times and then makes references to the good old days when black folks got lynched for stepping out of line, that doesn't mean he's a racist. How could anyone -- for even a single, solitary moment -- think Kramer is a racist. He was Jerry's neighbor for God's sake!

OK, I'm kidding. I'm a kidder.

But seriously, I'm blown away by folks who say that Richards is not a racist. It makes me wonder, "What qualities do racist people exhibit?" I've always subscribed to the belief that you're probably a racist if (in my best Jeff Foxworthy voice) you go on a racist tirade and scream racial slurs. I mean, how the hell else am I supposed to spot a racist -- read minds? So, until I develop mutant abilities like Professor X, I think I'll trust my ears ... and my common sense.

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