My girlfriend of seven years has disgusting manners. She eats loudly with her mouth open, farts and belches incessantly, snorts instead of blows her nose, and so on.
I used to find it refreshing to be with a girl who was so uninhibited. But now it is getting on my nerves, and it's embarrassing when she farts in front of our friends. I am starting to be turned off by this, and I don't see her as desirable anymore. She thinks I am being sexist and have a double standard.
Tell me PLEASE: Am I intolerant? And is there something wrong with me that I'm losing my libido?
Yes, there's something wrong with you -- there's something wrong with anyone who could spend seven years with this woman. Seven minutes sounds intolerable.
I wouldn't tolerate a dude who behaved the way your girlfriend does -- or advise a woman to tolerate one -- so there's no sexist double standard on my end. And so long as you're not ripping farts in front of her friends or chewing with your mouth open, there's no double standard on your end either. Fact is, your girlfriend is a pig and a slob, and she'd be a pig and a slob even if she had a cock and balls.
There's a guy out there for her somewhere -- a guy with similar habits, or a guy with a higher tolerance for loudly chewed food -- and the sooner you DTMFA, the sooner she can start delighting him with her uninhibited ways.
My boyfriend recently moved in with me -- the first straight guy I've ever shared an apartment with. I'm very clean and take great pride in my apartment. However, since he moved in, I've tried to be mindful of the fact that there will be certain things I'll need to adjust to. Still, I think it's important to clean up after oneself, so when I found an empty liter-sized Sprite bottle among half-unpacked boxes, I figured I'd leave it there and let him pick it up along with his other trash in our bedroom. The surprise came a couple of days later when I noticed that the liter bottle was not only still in our room, it was full. Was it a new bottle of Sprite? Why wasn't it in the fridge? I opened the bottle and caught a whiff not of Sprite, but of piss.
I'm a heavy sleeper, so I guess I don't hear him pee into a plastic liter-bottle in the middle of the night. I've already mentioned not leaving dirty dishes around, making sure to use coasters, etc., and I'm beginning to feel like a nag. But isn't this crossing the line?!
Pretty Insulted Seeking Solution
It doesn't cross any lines of mine, PISS, but it clearly crosses a line of yours.
And you know what else probably crosses a line for you? Peeing in the tub -- and I can guarantee you, PISS, that any man too lazy to walk to the toilet in the middle of the night is, without a doubt, too lazy to get out of the tub if he realizes he needs to piss after he's stepped into the shower.
So what do you do? Well, you cut him a deal. You promise to stop nagging about the little things -- dirty dishes here and there, inconsistent use of coasters -- in exchange for his solemn promise not to piss in bottles or bathtubs. If your boyfriend is smart, he'll take the deal and stop pissing in bottles and bath -- well, he'll stop pissing in bottles anyway, since it'll be easy for you to bust him on that. Pissing in the shower, on the other hand ...
As a strong feminist, I know women overwhelmingly bear the brunt of sexism in our society, but I feel that the ways that sexism affects men, and how this code is maintained by social relationships between other men as well as women, are often marginalized. Sexism affects us all in some way. Understanding and accounting for gendered interactions between all people helps undermine patriarchy because the roles we as a society impose on one of the two hegemonic sexes are diametrically opposed in the other.
Feminism Is Great Healthy Thought
I don't know what the fuck you're talking about, FIGHT, but thanks for sharing.
I'm a 17-year-old high school student, male, into foot worship and humiliation. I'm having problems separating my desire to be humiliated sexually from a willingness to be humiliated socially. A girl is using me as her "fallback." I like "Nancy" a lot more than she likes me. I was in a relationship with another girl, and that's when Nancy told me she loved me. So I broke up with my girlfriend, but now Nancy is unwilling to date me. I think she just enjoys having control over me. Nancy is also the only girl I get to indulge my foot fantasies with. The problem is, this gives me the thrill of humiliation, but it means I'm not getting off, yet I'm too turned on to help myself.
Anonymous Foot Slave
You've got a pretty good handle on what's going on here: Nancy doesn't want you for a boyfriend, but she enjoys the control she has over you. You're not even her fallback guy, AFS. You're merely living, breathing, foot-worshiping proof that she's sexually attractive and, by putting up with her shit, you give her a palpable sense of how powerful that is and she is.
So knowing that, what the hell do you do?
Seeing as you get to indulge your foot fantasies with Nancy, something you weren't able to do with your previous girlfriend(s), I think you should keep seeing Nancy. But resolve to see her differently. She's using you, right? Use her right back: Get your foot fantasies indulged, enjoy the thrill of being humiliated, then go home and beat off. But remind yourself, after you've come, that she's not your girlfriend and never will be. And resolve to go to college far, far away from this Nancy person, and never speak to her again.