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All In The Game

Board with politics

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The Republican National Committee and Karl Rove, the people who brought you Willie Horton, push-polling, and political dirty tricks that make Nixon drool in his grave, have come out with an online "game" on the GOP website that pokes fun at Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry's wealth and lifestyle.

In Kerry-opoly, players begin with $40,000, the average American household income according to the RNC. "After a few trips around the board, most players will be millions of dollars in debt, proving that John Kerry's lifestyle is out of reach and out of sync with most Americans," explains RNC communications director Jim Dyke. Those wacky Republican funsters!

Aside from the obvious irony of Bush/Cheney chiding Kerry's wealth (Bush is worth between $8 and $20 million while Cheney holds assets of $24 to $107 million) and the fact that Bush has taken the nation from a budget surplus to staggering deficit in less than one term, this game is a fine idea. So I've decided to come out with my own Brave New War Game.

The object of the game (tentatively called Where in the World is Osama Bin Laden) is to convince the other players to voluntarily make you wealthy at their expense. This is called "Compassionate Conservatism." The rules of the game (aka "The Constitution") can be amended or ignored whenever they do not suit your needs ("PATRIOT ACT"). Each player gets a pair of dice, but never actually rolls them, instead moving their playing piece wherever Jesus or the Republican National Committee tells them to ("Spinning Reality"). Each player also gets $1 million, a flight suit, and a medal to give the Pope to use when they see fit.

There are several sub-games played within the main game. In "Whack a Mole," players get to out Valerie Plame as a CIA agent when the yellow cake hits the fan. In "Risk," you get to invade the country of your choice. And in "Sorry!". . . well, that never gets played; otherwise you might end up in "Double Jeopardy."

The winner of the game is whoever pins the blame on the donkey.

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