Country singer Jamie O'Neal sings that "there is no Arizona." I would have to beg to differ, because I did my patriotic duty and went to Super Bowl XLII to watch the Giants win. So, this week, I'm here to share my misadventures from the desert.
Our first party was the Moves magazine party at Fox Sports Grill. I was with someone who was with someone who was with Reggie Bush who was with Kim Kardashian. She was surprisingly sweet, but I got bored talking to her about her wardrobe malfunctions, how she knows nothing about football and about the gay guy at BeBe who sold me the dress I was wearing because he said my ass looked like hers in it. So, the boys and I scouted girls on operation unemployment; I showed them how to find gold ... diggers. Whereas some women were just talking amongst themselves paying no mind to the fact they're in a room full of NFL players, those digging for gold were adjusting their pom-poms and hair every five seconds, not talking to one another, but instead waiting for a baller to talk to them.
Next up was the Maxim party. To get in we had to walk past 100 hired models and through a tube of televisions that made you think you were entering PeeWee's Playhouse. If I were to list all the celebrities there it would be as though I had "Name Dropping Tourette Syndrome." So, to make it less annoying, I'll only name those I had random encounters with. I got a hug from "McLovin'" and Michael Clark Duncan, and met Carson Palmer, Nick Lachey and the really hot guy from Entourage -- Adrian ... Brody? Nope, Grenier. I knew it was time to stop drinking the Maxim mojitos when I handed my camera to John Elway and asked him to take a picture, not with him, but of me with the Patriots cheerleaders whom I made friends with in the girl's bathroom.
I also saw fellow Hokie DeAngelo Hall. He referred to me as "Collegiate Times" (the Virginia Tech newspaper) and asked who I was writing for now. When I told him Creative Loafing he excitingly shouted "I read that!" ... in Atlanta.
Oh yeah, there was a game too. Upon entering the stadium, you go through the NFL Experience, which is like a football county fair. And the game was more like one big giant party (no pun intended). We had Giants fans to the right and Patriots fans to the left. We all bought each other $10 beer and danced around as much as the cheerleaders. And I don't need to tell you how good of a game it was ... you probably got to see more of it than I did.