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A Question of Powers

Rummy and the mojo gap

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The November 3 Time magazine asks an intriguing question about Brave New War Against Terror Architect (and Defense Secretary) Donald Rumsfeld: "Is Rumsfeld Losing His Mojo?" If you're like me -- your first thoughts of Donald Rumsfeld are closer to mofo than mojo -- Time's question is worth exploring.

Saddam Hussein may not have had any Weapons of Mass Destruction at his disposal, but he did possess a considerable cache of mojo, albeit of the evil variety. Likewise, ex-Taliban Mullah Omar and terrorist Osama bin Laden each have a sizeable evil mojo arsenal that remains a threat to American mojo superiority. If our man Rumsfeld is, in fact, losing his mojo, then we as a nation face the prospect of falling into a dangerous mojo supremacy gap.

This may be more of a problem than we realize. During a recent Pentagon briefing, CNN's Jamie McIntyre asked Rumsfeld point blank, "Have you lost your mojo?" Rumsfeld replied, "I guess the answer is that beauty's in the eye of the beholder. I don't know enough about mojo to know."

If it's true that Rumsfeld don't know mojo, our problems in Afghanistan and Iraq can be understood in a new light. Until now, our lack of progress has been seen metaphorically as, in the words of legendary bluesman Muddy Waters, "I got my mojo workin', but it just don't work on you." Now it seems the situation has actually been closer to, "I swear to God, baby, this has never happened to me before. Why don't we watch Fox News Channel and cuddle?" Succeeding against the mojo axis of evil without a fully loaded mojo of our own is like expecting Michael Jackson to convince Britney Spears to dress like a Cub Scout and join him and Bubbles in a game of Find The Banana without the proper pay per view considerations. Possible but extremely difficult.

Fortunately, our can-do, "mission accomplished" administration is on top of things. Rumsfeld has reportedly moved to bridge the troubling mojo gap by replacing Iraqi reconstruction administrator/Colonial Viceroy Paul Bremer with International Man of Mystery Austin Powers. When reminded that Powers is a fictional character, Rumsfeld insisted it was irrelevant since Powers has so much documented experience in "getting his mojo back, baby." In a surprising, new ratcheting up of his recent fondness for candor, Rummy reminded reporters that, "the President is little more than a fictional character himself, so what's the difference?"

Rumsfeld may be missing a mojo, but you gotta admit the mofo's got a point.

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