...was the Friday night I couldn’t find anything to eat after 11 p.m.

I got off a plane and went directly from the airport to Belk Theater to see Spring Awakening, where afterward I led the Q&A talk-back with the cast. I hadn’t eaten a thing all day other than the travel-size bag of pretzels they gave me on the plane — and there's nothing like theatrical porn to work up an appetite. Thus, following the show I was so hungry I almost started gnawing on my hair.

So, we went to Dandelion Market … but the kitchen was closed. And for the record, they should go ahead and change the name to meat market. But you can’t eat that meat and I was too hungry to stay and flirt.

So, we went to Nix Burgers and Brew … closed

Only options in Uptown at this point are Sushi at Enso, or the places I only go when I’m drunk … and I had no intentions of drinking, let alone coating my stomach with grease. As much as I love Phil’s fried pickles, my body was craving a real meal since I’d been neglecting to nurture it all day. And my friends didn’t want sushi. So, we ventured out of Uptown scavenging nightlife like vultures in search of food.

First stop... the new Loco Lime, which I heard was Mexican on steroids … closed

Attached building, Common House … kitchen closed.

Moving on …

Whiskey Warehouse… too crowded to sit down and eat.

At this point, I needed to do a little more dining and a lot less whining. Apparently, my bitch level goes up when my blood sugar goes down because I’m about as nice as indigestion when I’m really hungry. Just ask my old cheerleading teammates on the Panthers … I was always hungry and pissy when I had to weigh in every week.

So, we finally came to Soul Gastrolounge … I walked in and asked the bartender if they were still serving food and he said, "No." At that point, I lost my patience and my smile. The only other place I could think of that would be open and serving food was East Boulevard Bar and Grill and I just didn’t have the patience, or energy, to drive all the way over there. The rumble in my belly turned into fire and I breathed it like a dragon … “What does a girl have to do to get some fucking nutrients around here?” I barked at the poor bartender as though it was his fault just about every kitchen in Charlotte was closed.

“Well, we do have a late night menu,” he whimpered. Information that would have been useful to me 30 seconds ago! … prior to my temper tantrum. Sorry, dude from Soul …

So, I had hummus and a cheese plate and lived happily ever after. But still, with bitch and blood levels normal, I can still say that it is ridiculous that these bars and “restaurants” stop serving food so early. Dining is a part of nightlife, after all.

Tell me … who serves food late? And by late I mean after 11 p.m. ... which isn't even all that late. And in the meantime, will someone please open a late night diner in Uptown?