A killer time

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First dates can be awkward enough, but add alcohol and there’s bound to be some truth telling going on. This week’s date is a bit of a "Thriller."

Kerri and Sal met at a mutual friend's party and made plans to go out the following weekend. Kerri decided to make things more comfortable by asking her friends to come along, sort of a triple date.

They all end up at Nikko’s Sushi Bar in South End, which has a nice ambiance , great food and great music. Sal and Kerri aren’t getting to know each other well, since it’s a group date, and Sal, a regular at Nikko’s, keeps leaving the table to chat it up with folks he knows. Every time he leaves the table, Kerri’s friends are being extra nosy, “So, what’s up with you two, are you dating?” or “Are you sure he likes girls?”

We all have friends who plant doubt in the back of our mind, so you start to analyze every movement to see if he’s eyeballing the waiter. Now, Kerri has had several rounds of sake, but she thinks she noticed that he was touching the waiter’s hand a little too long, and that maybe he was looking at the waiter’s crotch, and maybe he was looking at her friend’s boyfriend, too. Uh-oh.

Kerri says she was too drunk to focus on the situation at hand, but realized she couldn’t drive home. So, she might as well go home with Sal, right? Girl, no. Ride home with your friends, unless you are trying to sit on something for the night.

Once they get to Sal’s place, they sit on the couch and talk as they continue sipping wine. Sal clears his throat and says, “I have to tell you something. I’ve been in some trouble before.”

Let me sit down for this one.

Sal continues, “I was accused of trying to kill someone.”

*drops glass into the floor* Kerri, girl, RUN! Text your friends 911 and meet them on the corner!

No, Kerri is like that chick in the horror movies - “Tell me more!”

Sal says, “Well, I did go to jail for trying to kill my older brother.”

*calls Jesus on the mainline* "Jesus, hey, I think Kerri is going to need some assistance to get out of crazy dude’s house."

Kerri realizes a couple of things at this point, she says. 1. She is stuck at his house, drunk, with no car. 2. She can’t go to sleep because what if he tries to choke her in her sleep?!

Kerri, girl, I think your options are to go in the bathroom, text your friend girls and tell them to come and get you. If that doesn’t work, wait til he falls asleep and run for dear dayum life!

Sal then tells Kerri he wanted to get that out of the way in case she decided to Google him and discover he had a bit of a criminal past. Kerri then squeaks out, “Well, how exactly did you try to kill him?”

Girl, mind your business... Don't ask questions!

Sal chuckles and says, “Well, he was looking at my girl, and I just snapped, and pulled a knife and started stabbing him.”

I just... Kerri, girl, the key word is SNAPPED. If you have seen that show on television, you already know folks that SNAP ain’t to be played with. You do not play with crazy!

Kerri then fakes being tired, and her buzz is slowly wearing off, so Sal, being the gentleman he is offers a spot in his bed. Kerri tells him the couch is fine, and she isn’t comfortable yet sleeping in the bed with him. Sal walks away.

Oh lawd, is he going to get a knife?! My nerves!

He comes back with a blanket, covers her up and kisses her on the forehead. “I’ll take you home in the morning. Maybe we can grab breakfast at Waffle House or something.”

Big spender, eh?

Kerri says the entire night she couldn’t sleep, afraid Sal would be standing over her with a knife for not sharing her cookies. Lucky for Kerri, Sal just went to sleep and the next morning he took her home after breakfast. This was their first and last date.

Lesson here: Y’all better learn to research your dates. People are crazy with all kinds of skeletons in their closet. Kudos to Sal for telling her about his past, but hell if Kerri had done her prep work, she would have already known what she was walking into. How many times do I have to tell y’all about going home with folks you don’t know?!

Want to share your own dating story? Good, Bad, Ugly—Go ahead, shoot an email to backtalk@creativeloafing.com. We'll keep your identity a secret — just let us know what dating in the Queen City is really like!

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