Dating can be awkward, a roller coaster ride of ups and downs. Getting to the discussion of sex can often make things even weirder.
Ashley had been seeing Kevin for a few weeks after meeting through mutual friends. The conversation was good, not too many awkward pauses and blank stares, and they actually did things: eating out, bowling, the movies, plus more. I'm impressed just from that.
One night, Kevin invites Ashley over to his house to watch a movie and who knows what else. *side-eye* Ashley says it was cool with her because they had been seeing each other for awhile, and she didn't think he was a crazy person.
When Ashley walks into his house, Kevin offers her a drink. OK, bruh has some manners. She requests vodka; he points to the kitchen and tells her it's in there.
See. Just when I was giving him points, he acts crazy. That woman has never been to his house, she doesn't know where the ish is.
So, Ashley goes into the kitchen to pour her drink and joins Kevin on the couch to watch a movie. But he tells her he forgot to swing by Red Box, so they will just have to watch whatever is on television or one of his DVDs. They end up watching episodes of UnSung on his DVR.
Hey, I'm not hating — I do love a good UnSung episode. Wonder if they watched the one on Big Daddy Kane?
Ashley notices that Kevin is sitting on the other end of the couch. Now, on most home dates, the dude is dang near in a chick's lap, trying to get some coochie, so this is a bit of an eyebrow-raiser. Maybe Kevin is trying to restrain himself, right?
After a couple hours, Ashley is bored and getting sleepy, so she decides to head on home. Kevin walks her to the car, they church hug, he reminds her to text when she gets home, and she's on her way.
When Ashley gets home and texts Kevin to let him know she made it home safely — there's something sexy about a man who wants to know I made it home OK ... oooooh chile! — he responds a little unexpectedly. "Are you going to come back and tuck me in?"
Wasn't Ashley just at this mofo's house? He couldn't ask her to stay or tuck his grown ass in then?
Ashley responds with an "LOL." Because that's the safe answer when you don't know what else to say.
He texts back: "I'll leave the door unlocked and you can come tuck me in for the night."
Readers, maybe it's me, but I am confused.
What in the dayum hot fireball hell is going on? Ashley was in this man's house, just steps away from his bed. Now, she's miles away and he wants to set up a booty call? A booty call like she's tucking in a 3-year-old child? I have so many questions.
Ashley: "Tuck you in? Like you tuck your child in at night?"
Kevin: "Are you coming or not? I need to be tucked in."
I mean, really? Grown men outchea needing to be tucked in by grown women who aren't their mamas?
The two text back and forth for a while, and the end result? Ashley doesn't go over there. In fact, she says this turned her all the way off — "dried up any coochie juice [at the] thought of giving him some."
I cried a little inside with laughter when I heard that.
Kevin is probably wondering why she won't return his calls, and maybe that line worked on some poor "tucker-in" chick, but as for Ashley, she threw the deuces and was done.
The lesson here: Fellas, if you want it, don't use childlike analogies to try to get it. Use your words and be blunt. Who has time to be going back and forth when you could already be in the throes of a good time?
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