All the news about airport security is bad, whiny and annoying.

So, let me give you some tips you won't find anywhere else. ***Caution: Mustang Sally doesn't advise you to try this at the airport, as it could lead to your arrest, you missing your flight or your mug shot ending up on this blog. Just read and laugh if you are so inclined.**

1. If you're a woman, wearing tight jeans — since baggy clothes will lead to a pat down — demand that the cutest TSA agent at your gate "roughly pats you down."
2. If you're a man, while you're being patted down, sing I Touch Myself by the Divnyls, especially this lyric: "I close my eyes/And see you before me/Think I would die/If you were to ignore me.
3. Give your TSA agent a stripper pose and a booty pop while being patted down. They're making you uncomfortable, why not return the favor?
4. Just go with the flow. You have the option of driving, taking the train or the bus to get where you need to go.