By Rhiannon Bowman

We love sex, so let's stop pretending that we don't. Good sex is one of the best things life has to offer but, apparently, everyone already knows that ... even though some (Ladies, I'm looking at you) don't seem to totally get it.

Here are a few of latest sex headlines:

• Sex in the U.S.: New survey reveals our steamy secrets — Associated Press
• Pretzel nation: We aren't as bland as we might think — MSNBC
• The Ass Man Cometh: Experimentation, orgasms, and the rise of anal sex — Slate
• Federal judge charged with buying drugs from stripper — Atlanta Journal Constitution

Though it's nice to see we're finally talking about sex like grown-ups, there are a few things about the recent sex study that are concerning. Let me sum up:

This study reveals we're less prudish than our grandmothers would prefer, so let's get real and start being introspective about our sex lives so we can protect our partners and teach our children well.

Speaking of: Hey, older guys — put a raincoat on your banana, yo. Stop being selfish pricks and protect your partner. Your teenage sons are doing a better job of this than you are. Get a grip, literally.

And women: You have got to figure this orgasm thing out. Seriously. And, for chrissakes, stop faking it. Here are some tips: Masturbate. No, really. Get some lube and some privacy and get busy. If you can't figure out how to pleasure yourself, chances are your partner won't be able to either. And, focus. If you're thinking about your schedule, the drapes or the kids' homework you're never going to be able to relax into an orgasm. Try doing like the guys do: Fantasize. Think about the kinkiest thing you can think of (you don't have to tell anyone what, or who, it is) and allow yourself to be fully present in the moment. With some practice, you might even find you're multi-orgasmic. (Congratulations if you are!) If, after practicing with yourself and imagining your partner morphing into the sex god of your dreams doesn't do it for you ... you might want to ask your doctor for an assist. Orgasms are one of the best things going; don't let yourself miss out. You can have orgasms, despite what you may tell yourself, but no one's going to be able to figure that out for sure but you. So, practice, practice, practice.

Finally, scientists need more support, and our society needs more sex studies (that aren't conducted by companies that will benefit from the results).

And now, here's an oldie but goodie for ya: "O.P.P." (Which, in case you forgot or never knew, stands for "other people's pussy.") Enjoy:

Rhiannon "Rhi" Bowman is an independent journalist who contributes snarky commentary on Creative Loafing's CLog blog four days a week in addition to writing for several other local media organizations. Additionally, she's on the steering committee for the Greater Charlotte Society of Professional Journalists. To learn more, click the links or follow Rhi on Twitter.