Remember your first wedding and how you focused so much on every detail of the ceremony that you forgot about the marriage? So, you and the first husband are over. Time has passed, and you're ready to get married again, but this time you're going to do it your way; despite the fact that some wedding planners still want to put you in a princess gown with a tiara as if you're 12.
You need to meet Cheryl Mayfield Brown, the owner of Twice is Nice bridal consulting and author of the book Cook'n To Keep Him. Mayfield Brown talks to Creative Loafing about love the second time around.
Creative Loafing: Tell us about Twice is Nice.
Cheryl Mayfield Brown: We are wedding planners for second or third marriages. With the first-time marriage, you are concerned with the actual wedding. Whereas when it is an encore marriage, if you will, you have a different set of issues. You're probably trying to combine families, you're trying to combine incomes and you may be dealing with situations where there are aging parents. Your situation is a little different. So, when clients come to us, there are things that need to be handled before you plan the wedding. People are more concerned with the union rather than just a celebration of one day.
You also wrote a book, Cook'n To Keep Him, where you give tips about how to keep the passion in the marriage going. Do you share things like this with the encore brides?
Yes. That's where the idea for the book came from. They wanted to know my secrets for keeping passion in a relationship. It's not a good stigma to have when you have been in failed relationships especially marriages. When you find that you are going into your third marriage, you're going to try and do something different. If you stick with the basics, you will be OK. The basics are, men are very visual. When they met you, you were all dolled up and when you become complacent and you don't put on that red lipstick and you don't send him a sexy text message or a naughty gram, via the e-mail, there are women out here who don't mind taking your place. You have to keep things exciting for them at all times, I think.
So, do you think it's the complacency that kills a lot of relationships?
Of course it is. You know, I've said this time and time again. And with what's going on with the economy. Say for instance that your husband has lost his job. It is very hard for you to be sexy for someone when you have all of the responsibility on your shoulders. It's very difficult, but if you're going to make it, you have to do.
What do you tell someone in the situation to keep the fires burning at home? Even when she's working longer hours and doing more?
You just have to make it work. If you are serious about your wedding vows, you have to make it work. I think when some people take the vows, they don't listen to them. When they repeat them, they are just words without meaning and it says for better or for worse, and it's not going the be good times all the time. The longer you're here on this earth, things are going to happen. And you have to be prepared.
Planning your own second (or third) wedding?
Call Twice is Nice at (704) 509-0702.