Although I'd like to think that not having sex will ruin your life--trust me, with an orgasm and a cup of coffee I am a bitch.

But according to Cracked.com, there are five REAL, yet bizarre, sexual conditions that can ruin your life.

Yes, ruin your life.

Imagine walking around with an erection that won't go away. That's priapism and the reason that Viagra and other drugs like it come with the four hour erection warning.

The problem with priapism is that nothing can bring your little soldier down from attention. Even when you've had your fun, he's still saluting. Doesn't sound so bad except that, when you're hard all the time it's the result of blood pumping in to the wang but not out. This can lead to blood clots, gangrene and the future inability to ever have an erection again. Oh, and pain. Severe pain.

And then there is sexomnia. It's like sleep walking but it involves fucking.

Aside from not remembering the amazing sex you had, you don't get to pick your partner, which can lead to some rather embarrassing morning after moments.

But the scariest one and the one that's going to send me and someone else I know to the doctor's office this week is: PSAS, permanent sexual arousal syndrome.

When we say you're turned on all the time, we mean to the point that at the drop of a hat, you have an orgasm. The phone rings? Orgasm. White socks today? Orgasm. Caught your parents having sex? Goddamnit, orgasm.