Dear Next Boyfriend,
I know this is going to seem unfair.
It's not even your fault that I'm laying out these ground rules, so I'm going to say I'm sorry in advance. But here's not what's going to happen in our relationship.
- I'm not going to suck your dick ... right away. My ex-boyfriend said I was really good at it and you're going to have to earn that privilege. You can earn it quicker by showing me your oral sex skills often.
- I am not going to immediately introduce you to my love of anal sex. The ex boyfriend gave me anal orgasms and expecting you to do that immediately is just wrong.
- If you have an ex wife, keep it moving. I can't deal with the divorce drama and while I'm at it, your kids might be cute, but that keeps an ex wife or child's mother connected to you and our relationship. I'm selfish and I need to be No. 1.