Just one of those nights



To some people, this may sound like sour grapes.

But whatever.

Have you ever had a night where all you wanted to was sleep, but your snoozing gets interrupted by someone else's good time? That was my night last night. I turned in early and alone. Wrapped up in my warmest blanket and even skipped my nightly session with Mr. Vibrator. I was just that tired.

Then, around 1 a.m., the sound of banging awakened me. At first I thought, "Oh, shit, someone's breaking in." Then as I became fully awake, I realized I was hearing my upstairs neighbor having what I hope was really good sex.

The banging must have been the headboard or some big toy. The screaming? That was somebody getting it really good or a great actor. I'm no hater; I'm all for people getting a great orgasm, but oh my damn! I'm sleepy.

My first inclination was to head upstairs and knock on the door and ask if I could watch since I was so rudely awakened. A free live-action sex show might have been good. But it was so warm in my blanket.

Next, I thought about just being an asshole and calling the police. But what would I have said to the 911 operator? My neighbor's fucking really loudly and since I'm not getting any, I want him arrested?! Yeah, right.

So, I did what any disgruntled, sleepy neighbor would do: I got my broom and banged on the ceiling. Did it help? Hell no. I doubt if they even heard me. So, I placed my pillow over my head and tried to go back to sleep.

If it happens again, I'm going upstairs with a video camera — because there has to be something extra special going on with all the noise they were making. If they're going to keep me up, the least they can do is let me play camerawoman.

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