Toy story

Should he use old gadgets on new girlfriend?

| December 28, 2012

What's the etiquette around (nonpenetrative) sex toys after a breakup? I bought restraints, a blindfold, etc. for my ex, and she left them behind. It seems a waste to throw them away. Is it a bit squicky for a guy to bust out an arsenal of old toys when a new gal comes along?

Alone With Accessories She Had

Jonathan Schroder, general manager of Mr. S Leather in San Francisco (mr-s-leather.com), suggests that you get rid of your bondage gear. Schroder is in the business of selling sex toys — Mr. S is famous for its high-quality bondage gear — but his advice isn't about his desire to move merchandise. It's about your desire for gals, AWASH.

"Personally, I think some of the best gear you can get is hand-me-down gear," says Schroder. "And there's a great tradition in the gay leather community about passing gear from older folks to younger folks. But my gut tells me that a new girlfriend might wig out about used bondage gear. We have a lot of customers and couples that have a strong preference for cleanliness. But straight women in particular prefer that things be wiped down, well cleaned and shiny. So a woman who opens a dresser drawer and finds restraints with signs of wear and tear — and signs of someone else's sweat or fluids on them — is probably going to be turned off."

So get rid of your old gear, Schroder advises, but don't throw it away.

"Find someone who wants and can't afford bondage gear, and give it to them," he says. "Gear is expensive, and there are people out there who can't afford it. Help 'em out."

I'm a female in my mid-20s who loves to give head. The problem is, I think I'm giving head too soon and guys don't see me as relationship material. I've been in only one relationship that was longer than a casual hookup, and that particular ex was a she-comes-first/worship-the-pussy kinda guy. (I didn't get to touch his dick until we were about a month in!) Most of the straight girls I hang out with believe that a guy needs to earn getting his dick sucked. My gay friends don't see the problem. My straight guy friends chuckle and say "depends" when I ask if I'm blowing a guy too soon. I really enjoy sucking dick, so once I'm horny, it's so hard to resist the impulse. How soon is too soon? Do you think that I would actually benefit by stopping this pattern? Blowing Losers Or What?

Generally, BLOW, I believe a person should do what she likes — and if you like giving head, give head. And if getting head scares a boy off, well, he was the wrong boy for you. (I'm having a hard time picturing a guy who wouldn't want to date a woman who enjoys giving head — are there many guys like that out there?)

But there's a simple way to find out if the guys you're meeting make date/dump distinctions between girls who blow 'em right away and girls who make 'em wait: Stop sucking guys off on the first date and see if they stick around longer.

You are so fun! My hubby is 62 and I am 52. We are empty nesters now and we love it! We are experimenting sexually, but my blowjobs don't do it for him. I've watched videos, read articles, and finally bought some flavored lube. He loves having his balls licked while I jerk him off. But what can I do about my blowjobs?!? Any advice would be great!

Ho Ho Ho

My advice: Lick your hubby's balls while you jerk him off.

Your husband either can't get off from a blowjob alone — and there are men out there who can't — or your blowjobs just don't do it for him. In the interest of marital harmony, HHH, let's give your blowjobs the benefit of the doubt and assume that your husband is one of those guys who can't be gotten off by blowjob alone.

If you love sucking dick and your blowjobs are in no way traumatizing — if they don't leave your husband curled up on the floor sobbing — then go ahead and blow your husband. Telling him the blowjobs are for you, HHH, will take the pressure off him and — who knows? — he may relax and enjoy the blowjob more. He might even get off.

Bonus pro tip: You know that flavored lubes don't do anything for the person being blown, right? They're for people who don't like the taste of dick, HHH, and it doesn't sound like you're one of those people. Until they come out with Chord Overstreet–flavored or Cheyenne Jackson–flavored lube, there's no reason you should be slathering your hubby's dick with artificial flavorings and aspartame.

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