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Girlfriend is amazingly selfish

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I am a 23-year-old male who has been in a relationship with a great woman for four years now. She is an amazing person, and we oftentimes talk about marriage. The issue is this: I have a foot fetish and she is fully aware of it. She doesn't like the idea of me kissing her feet or indulging my fetish in any way. We have sex quite often, and I've always let it slide that she doesn't want any part of my fetish. I don't know what to do, because I'm at a stage in my sexual growth where I need to experience my fetish. I'm getting mixed advice from different people and I just want a straight answer. The sex we have is amazing, but I would enjoy it so much more if I could act on my desires once in a while.

Sexually Frustrated Fetishist

Here's a straight answer: Your amazing girlfriend is an amazingly selfish lover, and I'm amazed that you've put up with her bullshit for as long as you have. A foot fetish is not uncommon or outrageous; as fetishes go, SFF, yours is the least taxing for a nonkinky partner. It's not like you're into shit or choking or Christian side hugs. Any amazing woman who truly loved you would regard indulging you as a no-brainer.

Share time: I have a good friend who's not kinky at all -- unless you count being gay -- and he's a runner who goes for long runs every Saturday morning. When he gets home, he handcuffs his boyfriend to a chair in his kitchen, duct-tapes one of his sweaty sneakers over the boyfriend's face, and leaves him there while he has breakfast. My friend -- who came to me for advice when his boyfriend confessed his fetish -- isn't really into guys with sneakers duct-taped to their faces. But it gets his lover off, and isn't that what lovers are for?

Your lover has had things -- she's had you -- on her terms for four years, SFF, which means you're going to have to play the breakup card. It's the only leverage you have. Tell her that if she can indulge your fetish -- happily and regularly -- and take some pleasure in giving you pleasure, she might be "the one." If she can't or won't, she obviously isn't. (Not that "the one" is anything other than a destructive myth, but for the sake of winning this argument, go ahead and use it.)

Finally, SFF, don't let the girlfriend -- or anyone else -- tell you that you're threatening to end this relationship over something trivial. Sexual fulfillment is important, particularly if your relationship is exclusive. And the "triviality" of your kink cuts both ways: If your kink is so trivial, why not just indulge you then? And in a long-term relationship -- or a marriage -- one partner's sexual selfishness and another's sexual frustration rarely prove trivial over the long haul. They're more often grounds for divorce.

However much Playgirl paid Levi Johnston for that photo shoot, it wasn't enough. Most people thought Playgirl -- which ceased publishing in print a while ago -- was dead and gone forever. Prior to this photo shoot with Johnston, who even knew that Playgirl had a Web site? Or that Playgirl had a publicist? A publicist who had this to say after the shoot: "We were talking in the greenroom about gay categories -- bear, cubs -- and Levi asked what his type would be. We decided a twink, but older, so we anointed him a 'twunk.'"

I love the idea of a twunk -- an older twink -- but Levi Johnston is 19 years old. How old is a twink supposed to be if a 19-year-old is already an aged twunk? No, no: Johnston was never a twink. He is a high-school jock -- the hockey variety, to the delight of gear fetishists everywhere -- gone slightly to seed. But what's more interesting than sorting Johnston into his exact gay etymological category is watching Johnston, once a major homophobe, become increasingly comfortable with the gays. Celebrity -- and that's what he is now -- means having to hang out and work with (and work for) a certain number of out homos. One of those homos no doubt explained to Johnston that not many women would be masturbating to his pictures on Playgirl's website. It seems that homophobia is a luxury that Levi can't afford anymore.

And, psst, Levi? If you did that Playgirl shoot only to drive your former future mother-in-law crazy -- and if that was your plan, kiddo, it seemed to work -- imagine how much crazier she'll get if you do a little gay-for-pay porn. Just sayin'.

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