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HIGH CRIMES Presumably, most screenwriters begin their drafts at the beginning of the story, but with this adaptation of Joseph Finder's novel about a lawyer who defends her husband on murder charges brought on by the military, it's obvious that scripters Yuri Zeltser and Cary Bickley headed straight for what they believed was a doozy of a twist ending and worked their way backwards. The problem, though, is that the climactic surprise doesn't even merit a raised eyebrow -- heck, the curve ball presented here is so transparent that I (and I suspect numerous others) pegged it by merely watching the film's preview. In short, don't expect this to place on any year-end "10 Best" lists, though if anybody gave out Truth In Advertising awards for movie titles, this one would be a lock. It's a high crime, for instance, that Ashley Judd, who burst out of the gate delivering formidable performances in indie gems like Ruby In Paradise and Smoke, is now content delivering the same spunky-woman-in- peril job in studio-sanctioned programmers like Kiss the Girls, Double Jeopardy and now this. It's a shame that Morgan Freeman, who's now routinely described as a genuine acting treasure, isn't finding more roles better suited to his awesome abilities. And it's a shame that, in the age of true mind-benders like Memento and The Usual Suspects, we're still force-fed heaping mounds of reheated pulp more adept at creating massive plotholes than at creating any semblance of suspense. 
HUMAN NATURE File this one away under the heading "When Good Ideas Go Bad." Charlie Kaufman, whose script for Being John Malkovich was merely one of the most original pieces of writing seen in eons, returns with this unconventional comedy about an abnormally hirsute woman (Patricia Arquette) whose relationship with a repressed behaviorist (Tim Robbins) takes a radical spin once they come into contact with a wild man (Rhys Ifans) who's been raised since infancy by apes. As the behaviorist tries to implement the Eliza Doolittle Plan by turning the jungle creature into a gentleman of culture, it becomes obvious that his own character traits are positively beastly. Human Nature is a film full of potentially provocative notions, and it boasts a secret weapon in Ifans (best known as Hugh Grant's roommate in Notting Hill), whose turn as the ape man is a wondrous bit of physical comedy. Yet the cumbrous direction by former music video vet Michel Gondry and Kaufman's own half-realized ideas sink it from the start -- in fact, the quality of writing is so far beneath the level of the Malkovich piece, one quickly suspects Kaufman simply dusted off a pizza-stained screenplay he wrote back in his college days and handed it to studio reps under the guise of a spanking new script. When Human Nature is good -- and it has its inspired moments -- it's very good, but when it's bad -- which is most of the time -- it's intolerable. 1/2
LAST ORDERS During this year's Golden Globes ceremony, Ian McKellen joked that he represented the contingent of British actors who did not appear in Gosford Park. By that token, then, Last Orders would seem to represent the contingent of British actors who (with one exception) did not appear in Gosford Park, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone or Mr. McKellen's own year-end epic, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring. The stragglers have been rounded up and put to good use in this adaptation of Graham Swift's novel about the events that transpire upon the death of one member of a small group of friends. With the passing of the congenial butcher Jack Dodds (Michael Caine), his barroom buddies -- lucky gambler Ray (Bob Hoskins in a standout performance), good-natured undertaker Vic (Tom Courtenay) and feisty ex-boxer Lenny (David Hemmings) -- and his immediate family -- troubled wife Amy (Helen Mirren) and middle-aged son Vince (Ray Winstone) -- all reflect on their entwined pasts even as they carry out Jack's final wish to have his ashes scattered at sea. A bittersweet movie about the choices made -- and regrets felt -- during the course of one's lifetime, Last Orders may often seem slight, perhaps even meandering, yet its bracing approach and finely tuned cast allow its subtle sensations to linger on.
PANIC ROOM Just as Meryl Streep made The River Wild to satisfy the part of her that required one uncomplicated popcorn picture on her resume, we now have Jodie Foster taking part in a commonplace thriller by accepting a role that's less complex than usual. But Foster's participation isn't as puzzling as that of director David Fincher, who, after the jigsaw puzzle plots and moral messiness of Seven, The Game and Fight Club, seems only to be serving as a hack-for-hire. Still, his yen for technical trickery -- the opening credits alone are worth the price of admission -- suits the picture's primary setting, a spacious New York brownstone occupied by a divorcee (Foster) and her daughter (Kristen Stewart). When the two women find their home invaded by crooks (Forest Whitaker, Jared Leto and Dwight Yoakam) searching for hidden loot, they confine themselves to the building's panic room, an impenetrable space with a steel door and a wall of surveillance monitors. A couple of plot twists might have made all the difference in this watchable but routine thriller, though production designer Arthur Max (Gladiator) should be commended for his imaginative and accessible set. As a burglar with a heart of gold, Whitaker delivers the best performance but also provides the most problematic character, inadvertently turning the film's creed that "Crime Does Not Pay" into "Doing Good Deeds May Be Hazardous To Your Health." 1/2
