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Eat Me

And tips for the first-time sex-toy buyer

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I'm a very sex-positive girl and I finally convinced my boyfriend to open up about his fetishes. I could tell he was ashamed and torn about sharing them with me, but I've been with my fair share of guys and surfed the net for years, and I was convinced nothing would shock me. Well, it turns out he's into soft vore. I'm not gonna lie, I was a bit put off, but of course I didn't tell him. I started looking for information about his fetish, and it's not as uncommon as I thought. I stumbled upon many websites for like-minded people, and my understanding of it is that vores really long for intimacy and protection. Is my interpretation correct? Also, after learning about it, I realized it's less extreme than some of the stuff we usually engage in, like heavy BDSM, so I want him to feel fulfilled. Is there any way I can help him "act out" his fetish? He would like to be the eatee.

Fully Understanding Lover's Longings

Vore, for readers who aren't familiar with the term, refers to a spectrum of kinks that involve being eaten alive or eating another creature alive. Vore is divided between "soft" and "hard," kind of like BDSM. Soft vore doesn't require simulated bloodshed (it mostly involves fantasies of being swallowed whole), whereas hard vore involves the (imaginary!) ripping of flesh and the (simulated!) shedding of blood. Large creatures capable of swallowing and/or devouring humans are important to this kink, as you'll discover if you do an image search for "vore" on Google. Since most vore fantasies involve creatures that qualify as fantastical beasts, i.e., large and nonexistent beasts (megakinkfauna?), vore fetishists are forced to construct elaborate fantasy narratives, build their own creatures, or seek employment at the Jim Henson Company (where they can sneak in after hours and repurpose vore-scale Muppets) in order to get off.

Before you can determine which way to go — assuming your boyfriend wants to "act out" his fantasies in the first place — you'll have to get more details. If your boyfriend wants to get physical, start with mouthy things like biting, licking, sucking, etc., combined with dirty talk about digesty things like chewing, swallowing, gastric juices, etc. If everything goes well, you try to bring his fantasies to life using props, costumes, and stage blood.

Any advice for a first-time sex-toy buyer? I'm looking into vibrators, but I don't want to spend a bunch of money on something that doesn't do it for me.

Very Into Buying Electronics

"VIBE should go to a sex shop in person so she can physically pick up and turn on the models she's considering buying," said Erika Moen. "She should pay attention to the kind of action that feels good or gets her off," said Moen. "Does your clit like super-direct focus? The smaller the head of the vibrator, the more laser-like the precision. Do you like lots of overall, engulfing stimulation that covers a lot of ground? The larger the head, the more surface area it'll cover and the vibrations will be more generally distributed across the entire vulva, from outer labia to clit."

For best results, Moen recommends buying two toys, VIBE, if you can swing the expense. "Get a generic bullet vibe first," said Moen. "They're about $15 to $20 — it's a model that has a control box you hold in one hand and a cord that connects to a simple vibrating egg shape that you hold in your masturbating hand. Try it out at home, and then based on how you did or did not enjoy it, purchase a more expensive, high-quality model ($60 to $120) based on the kind of vibrational stimulation you learned you want (or don't want) from that first cheaply made model. Personally, I recommend the Minna Limon and Vibratex's Mystic Wand for smaller-sized, decently powered vibrators. And then the big guns that'll blast you to the moon and back are the Doxy and Vibratex's Magic Wand (formerly known as the Hitachi Magic Wand). Best of luck to you!"

Email Dan Savage at mail@savagelove.net.

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