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Bosses, mind your own business!

What happens online should stay online

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So I have been in a relationship with the same guy since I was about 16. It's been a little over four years now, but I came out to him a year ago about the fact that I'm bisexual, which he has no problem with. So since then, I have had wild fantasies about a threesome with a really hot girl. But it's a lot harder to arrange that than it seems. Do you have any suggestions about how we can find a third? We've already tried Craigslist with no luck.

Where The Girls At?

You think your luck with Craigslist is bad, WTGA?

Jeff Gradney, a television news reporter in Las Vegas, lost his job after some anonymous douchebag alerted the management at KTNV-TV "Channel 13 Action News" to the fact that Gradney and his girlfriend placed an ad on Craigslist seeking a third. Sexphobia? Definitely. Homophobia? Perhaps: Gradney and his girlfriend were looking for another dude. And for this infraction -- which had nothing to do with his job performance -- Gradney was fired. So much for "Action News," huh? (People who've had three-ways -- or not -- are invited to come to Gradney's defense. Send an outraged e-mail to KTNV-TV's vice president and general manager Jim Prather at jprather@ktnv.com.)

Gradney's dismissal came a week after a pair of nationally ranked college wrestlers -- including a 2007 national champion -- were booted from the University of Nebraska wrestling team after it emerged that both had jerked off for an Internet porn site. (Solo jerk-off scenes, nothing gay about 'em, although the Web site is aimed at gay men.)

Sexphobes will say that Gradney and those college wrestlers got what was coming to 'em. People shouldn't let it all hang out on the Interwebs -- or spurt out, in the case of the wrestlers -- unless they're prepared to lose their jobs, their spots on the team, their shot at being an "American Idol," etc. But with so many people documenting their lives online, and with so many people using the Internet as a tool to seek sexual fulfillment, and in our thoroughly exhibitionist culture, one might think that people could picture themselves in Gradney's shoes, or those wrestlers' singlets, and cut 'em a little fucking slack.

If I may tweak a phrase: What happens online really ought to stay online. Your Internet personals shouldn't be something that can be used against you by bluenoses at work; if you like to show off and you want to wank for the Web, that shouldn't matter to the douchebags who run the NCAA. (Hello, NCAA? Want to generate interest in the sport? Encourage more college wrestlers to make JO videos.) Here's hoping that we soon reach a Web-exposure tipping point, a time when everyone has something out there online that's sexually explicit or deeply embarrassing or both. When that blessed day arrives, we'll think twice about firing someone or cutting someone from the team for the crime of letting it all hang out online because, hey, we've got it all hanging out online, too.

As for how to find a third, WTGA: Most people looking for thirds want someone who's totally trustworthy and honest, someone who comes guaranteed to be disease-free, but they also want that someone to be a complete stranger whom they'll never see again after the three-way is over. Those someones don't exist, WTGA. If you really want to have a three-way, you either go with the likely-to-be-skeezy stranger you met online and risk dismemberment or you approach a trusted, attractive friend and risk rejection.

I'm an 18-year-old guy with an awesome kinky girlfriend. She likes getting tied up, blindfolded, spanked, and just about anything else we can think of. It's awesome. My question is this: We were watching some BDSM porn and they used these awesome contact lenses that worked as blindfolds because they were completely opaque. I've searched high and low and cannot find them. Help us out!

Ropes Should Come Included

P.S. I guess I wrote in to brag a little, too.

You searched high and low for opaque contact lenses without any luck. Really? Because just .28 seconds after I Googled "opaque contact lenses," RSCI, I was clicking through a dozen Web sites that sell opaque contact lenses. "Please note, you are not able to see through these lenses," one site warned. "Unless you want to find out how it is to be blind," read the disclaimer on another, "wear a white-out contact lens in one eye only." So it would seem that bragging -- about all that awesome BDSM sex you're having -- was the only reason you wrote in.

I just read the advice you gave to the kid married for six months (CL online, Aug. 20). His wife bought a strap-on once he brought up anal. You threw a line in there about the University of Pittsburgh and Bend Over Boyfriend, an instructional video about pegging. Are you implying that the Pitt girls are into this? I live 10 minutes from the main campus and would love to find a dominant pegger. Just don't know how I would even begin the conversation.

Submissive U-Peggee

Did I say that U-Pitt shows Bend Over Boyfriend as a part of freshman orientation? I may have misspoken. Or mistypen. It's just that I recently gave a speech at U-Pitt, and the students there asked so many questions about pegging during the Q&A that I just assumed that Bend Over Boyfriend is shown to incoming classes at that fine institution of higher learning. (And I'm not saying that it shouldn't be shown, only that it isn't. It most definitely should. Indeed, Bend Over Boyfriend should be shown continuously in every frat house in North America from late August through early June.) But I would beg you, SUP, not to stalk U-Pitt's campus in search of a dominant pegger. If you're having trouble finding a pegger through normal channels (surfing the Web, asking women you're dating, hanging out at Wendy's), SUP, then you'll just have to rent one.

Oh, and speaking of speaking at colleges: If you want me to come to your campus and give a talk -- we call it "Savage Love Live" -- e-mail the folks who handle my speaking gigs at savagelove@kepplerspeakers.com.

Download the Savage Lovecast (Dan's weekly podcast) every Tuesday at www.thestranger.com/savage. To ask Dan Savage a question, write to mail@savagelove.net.

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