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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files (Nov. 8 edition)

A beer bash, a social monster, more

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Beer Bash: A woman notified police of some beer-drinking neighbors on a third-floor balcony last week. The problem wasn't their drinking; it was how they disposed of the containers. The men were throwing the empty bottles into the parking lot below, even smashing the back window of a car.

Shit Happens: A man called police last week after a long trip to the toilet ending up costing him big time. The man was at a show at ImaginOn Theatre in Uptown when he needed to use the restroom. He spent so much time handling his business that by the time he returned, the show was over and everyone was gone. Also gone was his blazer, which held his wallet, car keys and cell phone.

Sticky Fingers: The employees of ZX Fitness arrived at work last week and found that someone had super-glued the deadbolt locks on the front doors. Police should follow the crumb trail of donuts and Weight Watchers meals to find the awfully lazy culprit.

He Said, She Said: A couple of road ragers tried to outdo each other in southwest Charlotte after one of them broke down in the middle of the road. The man with the broke-down vehicle said he was sitting in his car waiting for help when a woman approached him waving a box cutter. The woman told officers that she was simply waiting for the man to move when he jumped out of his car and pointed a gun at her. Both victims were, of course, completely innocent, according to their respective accounts.

Just a Scratch: A 51-year-old man's jealous girlfriend keyed his car in north Charlotte last week, but she didn't just leave a few scratches. Written on the front hood were the words "dog" and "bitch," and an "X." She then wrote "pussy" on the trunk. For good measure, the woman scratched the word "punk" into both sides and busted out the rear lights.

Social Monster: A 19-year-old woman filed a report after her psychotic ex-boyfriend took advantage of every tool he had to harass her. The poor girl told officers that the man called her 40 times and sent her 40 Facebook messages, 100 Skype messages and even nine messages on Instagram.

Threats of the Week: A competitive man sent a couple of friendly reminders to his 29-year-old foe last week over the phone. The suspect called the man multiple times and said, "I want to remind you of who is the predator and who is the prey. I want to remind you of all the trophies on my wall, and you know how they got there."

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

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