DON'T SPRAY ME, BRO: A police emergency turned into a medical emergency last week when a security guard got a bit too trigger-happy with his bottle of pepper spray. The undercover security guard at the Food Lion on The Plaza witnessed a man attempting to leave the store with stolen items. When he tried to confront the suspect, a struggle ensued. The security guard sprayed Mace at the suspect but also hit the store manager.
BARGAIN HUNTER: A 33-year-old woman brought police to a laundromat on South Boulevard last week after she argued, to no avail, with a very confused woman. When the caller went to take out her clothes, someone else was already taking them out and putting them on. When confronted, the suspect told her that they were definitely her own clothes. The suspect left the store in the victim's clothing and coincidentally redefined thrifting.
Hipster-colLar crime: A 31-year-old man filed a police report after someone "stole" an iPad from his car last week. The man stated that he was driving down 4th Street when his trunk suddenly flew open and his iPad flew out of the back. He watched helplessly as a lucky man picked it up and ran off with it. We suggest officers begin their search for the suspect at the nearest Starbucks.
burn, baby, burn: Police reported to a call in Hidden Valley last week after a couple got into a heated argument. The 23-year-old victim told officers that she had gotten into a "lovers' quarrel" with her significant other about an insignificant amount of money. The man responded by lighting $60 worth of his girlfriend's clothing on fire. Someone tell him arson is so last season.
stinky bandit: A 76-year-old woman called police after her purse was stolen. The victim let a stranger, who said she needed to use the bathroom for an "emergency," into her home and showed her to the bathroom, not bothering to remove her purse from the sink. After she left, the victim realized that her wallet, containing $50 and two credit cards, was missing.
GOOD DAY, SUNSHINE: Police had to come to a home in west Charlotte last week after a daughter kicked her mother in the face after waking her up for school. No word on whether the teenage suspect ever reported to first period.
Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.