I get a weekly text from BAR Charlotte advertising their specials and reminding me that it is, in my opinion, still the skankiest bar in town.

Some of the texts that have bombarded my inbox boasted about ...

“Midget Wrestling”

“BARkini Contest”

“Shamrock with your cock out”

“Playboy party and wet t-shirt contest”

“Joe’s Birthday party” ... who is this Joe you speak of?

And a “BAR Charlotte job fair” ... I’m sorry but the economy isn’t that bad

And then each mass text is tagged with: “no cover with text” But little do they know, you couldn’t pay me to go to BAR Charlotte ... unless, of course, Mini Britney is there.

The BAR scene is different from the bar scene considering every night is college night. The one time I set foot in that place, I wanted to run up to the 18-year-old riding the bull in a bikini and give her a hug, teach her the difference between negative and positive attention, and then proceed to Lysol the bull ... there may be S.T.Ds living on that thing.

So to 882-02, whoever you are, I am begging you — take me off your text list and stick to sending mass messages on facebook like the other 813 unread messages in my inbox from promoters.