The not-so-sweet smell of the morning after

by

3 comments

Unless you are the Virgin Mary or practicing celibacy, abstinence or whatever other bakery closers you want to call it, it's only a matter of time before you get intimate with the person you're dating. Amirite?

Damon and Cindy had been dating for quite some time, and they were in a long-distance relationship. Damon lived in Boone, and Cindy in Charlotte. Oh, and here's a detail you'll need to remember for later: Damon recently had surgery on his wrist, so his arm is all bandaged up in a sling.

On this particular weekend, Damon comes to Charlotte to visit Cindy. This was the first time he was actually going to stay at her house. In the past, he usually stayed at his frat brother's house or in a hotel.

Imagine that: a man not giving an ultimatum about getting the draws the first night and agreeing to WAIT. Allow me to pick my face up off the floor.

Anyhoo, I won't bore you with the details of what went down in the bedroom. We're all adults. The real shit pops off the next morning.

Damon has to leave early to get back in time to go to work, so he asks Cindy if he can use her bathroom to take a shower. Hell, what is he asking for? You would think that would just be understood — he needs to wash after they been doing the nasty all night. Since Cindy has an event she is going to, she needs to take a shower, so she tells him to use the guest bathroom while she uses the one in her bedroom.

PAUSE. Why can't they just shower together, you ask? I have no idea, this isn't my story.

Fast forward to showers finished, both are dressed and ready to head out the door. They do their kissing and I'll miss you ish and Damon heads out. It's then that Cindy decides to throw a load of laundry in the washing machine before leaving the house. She heads back upstairs to grab the towels. When she walks into her guest bathroom, she discoveres brown stuff on her rugs. In fact, it is all over the floor.

Oh gawd, I'm vomi-gagging — tell me it's not what I think it is, Cindy!

Cindy leans down and picks up one of the rugs closest to the toilet. She sniffs it.

Yep, it's exactly what Cindy thought it was. PURE. SHIT.

Now, one would ask, does Cindy have a pet? Nope, she doesn't. The only person who has used that bathroom is Damon. Granted, Damon only has one hand, as the other is out of commission, so what we can deduce from this incident is that he had bubble guts and was unable to wipe his ass. Hell, I got nothing. I still don't understand how it ended up in the floor like a boo boo massacre had taken place.

Needless to say, Cindy ends up throwing those rugs away. After talking with a couple of friends, she decides Damon wasn't who she thought he was.

Girl. One accident and you write him off?

Cindy says she never explained to Damon why she broke it off with him, but she NOSE that he wasn't the one.

Lesson learned: If you can't hold your bowels together during an overnight stay, you might need to make sure you clean up ALL evidence of explosions. As for Cindy: How would you like it if he dumped you for leaving a tampon in the toilet?

Want to share your own dating story? Good, Bad, Ugly—Go ahead, shoot an email to backtalk@creativeloafing.com. We'll keep your identity a secret — just let us know what dating in the Queen City is really like!

Comments (3)

Showing 1-3 of 3

Add a comment
 

Add a comment